hi?

I wanted to welcome you all here, to my blog. Don’t expect too much out of me/this. I hope to be consistent, but I am quite the “busy” person. I must attend to the bottle of vodka and orange juice I have in my fridge, as well as my broken knee. That’s why I’m starting this. I’m drunk and my knee is broken. ok my knee is not broken it’s strained.

are you wondering why my knee is strained? there are multiple reasons. let’s get into it.

Reason #1

I’ll start with the obvious. So, the simple answer to “what happened to your knee?!?!?!?” is “Well you see, I was in the middle of my 8-mile run at 6am, when suddenly, I heard a pop, fell to the ground in agony and called my mother, yes my mother. to come pick me up, I couldn’t walk, I was stranded” People respond with “ohhhh my goshhhh that’s horrible! I’m so sorry!” I say “oh its FINE! No worries! I just have to rest for a week or 2 then I’ll be back to normal.” and you see, the conversation ends there, I start asking the other person how their weekend went, how their boyfriend is, questioning them on what they ate for breakfast that day. I’m freaking out, because that 8-mile run was not taking place because I loved running, oh heavens n0! It was because I had an entire row of peanut butter brownies the night before, and God forbid I let that sugar sink into my skin, letting the fat cells widen across my stomach. I know, I know, that’s not how it works. but I’m sick you see, and I am a victim to my minds winnerless games. I always lose

Reason #2

(Probably the most logical explanation). You see, I was an athlete in my younger years (6-15) I played competitive soccer. a perfect excuse to take my anger out on myself to the girls on the field. being 5’1, I could easily jab my elbows into the flabby stomachs of others and watch them fall to the ground, win the ball and win the game. It’s always about winning yet I always lost. Anyway, I had never had an injury. But now that I’m convinced my life’s purpose is to look like the heroin chic girls on tik tok while somehow eating chocolate croissants every day, I’m more prone to injury. and hers why. I’m (TRIGGER WARNING) Bulimic. and with that comes lots of dehydration and malnourishment. your joints, your bones, enamel, willingness to keep going sort of give way when you’re deep in it. therefore, causing a person to be more injury prone.

Reason #3

God doesn’t want me to run. I listen to the signs from the universe, most of the time. and while I have a difficult relationship with my religious superiors (God, my father, and mother earth) I do take into consideration their silent prayers for me. see I use running as an excuse to binge eat sometimes, because I love food, and I love waking up with a stunningly defined 4 pack. so, God might be tryna tell me this isn’t working and I’m slowly killing myself.

Reason #4

It’s all in my head. You should know, I’m also an insufferable hypochondriac. in fact, I just went and got an echocardiogram (x-ray of the heart) just a few weeks ago. I was convinced I had a heart murmur or was slowly dying, which technically I guess we all are.

You’ve reached the end of my first essay, and you might be thinking I’m a narcisstic, thick headed, ED driven, brainwashed by the media freak, but I’m not. I’m simply drunk and angry I can’t run and don’t know where to put my thoughts. but truth is I’ve been wanting to start a blog for a while, I just haven’t had the time or care to do so. But I do have lots to say about things like society, thinness, diets, men, religion, art, politics even. so, come back for a visit some time, I’ll be here.